Traveling As A Caregiver--The trip you didn't pack for

Traveling As A Caregiver: The Trip You Didn’t Pack For

Being a caregiver is no joke. I know because I was my mother's caregiver from the ages of 16 until she passed away when I was almost 42. She had all the same issues I currently have (except my back issues). Trouble was, her rheumatoid arthritis ran rampant through her body and there were none of the biological medications available today. She was eventually confined to a wheelchair.

I know first-hand what the responsibilities of being a caregiver can be. Moreover, my mom and me traveled all over the US. We had all sorts of crazy adventures that taught us lessons and we had many more great moments as well. Now that my mother has passed away, I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. I want that for you.

I could go on for pages more, but let's get to the point and focus on you.

Let's get real. Not many people post their mishaps while on vacation to social media. We only see plastered smiles in front of exotic places. With comments like “Our family is bonding better than ever,” or “This vacation is wonderful, and my family is closer than ever.” They never post how mom got drunk in the bar on the cruise ship and embarrassed the family only to be escorted by dad to their cabin. Or when dad got drunk at Disneyland and got arrested for public urinating. No, we see the edited Brady bunch version of vacations when we look at social media.

By looking at these perfect getaways, it makes the rest of us feel inadequate. But as life can get messy, so can our vacations and that's OK. It's part of the experience.

If you're caring for someone who's sick, disabled, aging, chronically ill or all of the above, you can still have a wonderful vacation. However, planning is the key here.

Redefining what a great vacation looks like as a caregiver

Remember, your vacation doesn't have to look like anyone else’s to be great. Before taking any trips as a caregiver start out small. Look at my post Get Out There and Practice Travel. Instead of a three-week overseas trip, it might be better to start with a three-day getaway. Not to say a big vacation may not be in your future, just start out with baby steps. This way, you can learn travel styles, what works while on the road and new lessons to prepare for in the future. Besides more trips=more memories and fun!

Plan ahead

My mother was a Wild West and Civil War historian. I mean she read about these subjects every day regardless of the circumstance. So, imagine her disappointment when we went to a Wild West museum and she was unable to see much of anything because of her wheelchair.

My mom and me were on a Wild West trip. We both were so excited to go on this eleven-day road trip, but essentially, we were we winging it. We knew what states we were driving through and the major places we planned to visit, but we played the rest of the trip by ear. Which is not at all bad, but there were some details I would have liked to have planned better.

My mother and I was in Denver, Colorado and we saw there was a Wild West Museum nearby. The building was an older, single-family home. My mother and I and paid to get in the building and we walked into the main area. After walking a bit more, I saw the stairs and my stomach dropped. My mother wouldn’t be able to enjoy this museum. Most of the pieces on display we're upstairs!

The employees were not sympathetic. They refused to give my mother a refund, and I had to go upstairs to take pictures so my mother could see what was in the museum. Not the experience we planned. My mom was so saddened by that experience; it took her a couple of days of fighting depression to get through that incident.

That was only a setback on an overall fantastic trip. But planning ahead would have saved some heartache. When making your itinerary, call ahead to ensure accessibility and that the facility can properly accommodate your loved ones needs.

Here are some easy tips to ensure a safe and happy vacation

Before you go

--Be aware of medical facilities near your hotel. Depending on your loved ones needs know where hospitals, urgent care and pharmacies in your area are located

--Bring written medical information (not just on your phone) look at my blog post: Traveling With Chronic Illness Part 1—Managing Medications

--Pack more medications than you need in case plans change

--Book refundable options in case your plans change (purchase travel insurance)

While you are there:

--Try doing one main activity per day—don't overdo it

--Schedule rest in your itinerary

--Stay hydrated and keep your body nourished

Make memories: enjoy each other's company

Remember, this trip is for you and your loved one. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's getaway. The purpose is for you to gain a new perspective by visiting a new place, find time to relax and most importantly spend time together.

Expect the unexpected don't take it personally

In all of my travels, I can't tell you how many times something went sideways, and I had to figure out a better way to get through a setback. For example, I had planned a great vacation to the East Coast of the United States for my mother and myself. I saved for months to get my mother a collapsible scooter. The idea was it would be easy for my mother to get in and out of the rental car and it would easily break down the scooter and put in the trunk of the car.

Well, the idea was good, but when put into practice... yeah, there were some hiccups. That scooter model was the first of its kind and it had a lot of bugs. The scooter seat had to be replaced three times. They sent us two new seats to two different hotel rooms. The battery died too quickly so that my mom and I had to find a plug in on the side of a skyscraper in the middle of Manhattan to recharge the scooter so we could get back to our hotel room. The company even sent a mechanic to one of the hotel rooms to fix that crazy scooter.

“Expectations are the root of all heartache,”—William Shakespeare. I sure wish I kept these words in mind on that vacation. I saved up and paid a considerable amount of money for that scooter. I expected it to work without any issue. When things did not go smoothly, my attitude soured. I stopped enjoying the vacation like I should have. Most important, my mother felt guilty because she needed the scooter to move and the whole fiasco was making me so unhappy. Thankfully, my mother shared her feelings with me. I immediately fixed my attitude and changed my expectations. After that, it turned out to be a pretty amazing vacation.

Flights get cancelled. Weather patterns change. Scooters break down. That doesn't mean the trip is ruined. To the contrary, these are your experiences. Don't expect a perfect vacation and you won't be disappointed. Keep your sense of humor so no matter what happens you have one thing to reminisce and laugh about for years to come.

You're on vacation too

Trying to keep up with all the details of making a great vacation for you and your loved one, you can easily forget to make time for yourself. Remember you're on vacation too. Be sure to carve a little time for yourself while you're away.

Depending on your loved ones needs, figure out what you'd like to do. When I vacationed with my mom, I'd often take a walk to check out the area I was visiting. It gave me time to myself so I could think and breathe. I suggest you do the same. Something as simple as reading a book while on the balcony of your hotel room can help you refresh. Taking a moment to watch the sunset or the sun rise before or after your loved one goes to sleep are great moments you can steal away for yourself.

A final word from someone who gets it

When you're traveling as a caregiver with your loved one, it can seem daunting. But if you plan ahead, pace yourself, don't expect perfection and save a little time for yourself, you will make memories you and your loved one will enjoy it for a lifetime.

You don't have to travel with your ill loved one perfectly. You don't have to do it often. But travel in a way that makes the two of you happy and rested.

Remember!

You are doing the best you can

You are allowed to enjoy experiences with your ill loved one

You have the right to see the world together and in a way that will make memories and the two of you happy

My mom in Tombstone, AZ on our Wild West Vacation